The Gift of Brushing Teeth and Washing Dishes
I’ve gotta say first of all that I’m writing from the most unique spot I’ve ever blogged from before, my bathroom floor. But I just couldn’t leave it. I swear God’s presence is stronger in my bathroom right now than anywhere else. Don’t read into that ;) But I think He’s teaching me from this tiny and VERY purple bathroom (if you haven’t experienced the purple bathroom at the SL2 house yet you’ve just gotta).
I have been on a conquest as of late. That conquest is to discover the true meaning behind Joy. It’s the word that God has given me this year to reflect on, and since January 1st, I have been having more revelations about Joy than I ever expected to have. It’s a sneaky thing that Joy, and yet so impossible to over-analyze. It seems to me as if the more I find out about Joy and even try to over-analyze it, the simpler it becomes. I believe God completely broke it down to me tonight in my purple bathroom. It all started after recounting to a friend some details from the six weeks I spent in South Africa years ago. Whenever I start to go there, and it’s been a while, it’s like it opens a fresh wound in my heart that bleeds travel, missions, dirt, grime, bugs, etc…Anyone who’s been with me on a trip to another country can testify that I transform into a different Brooke. Not bad different, it’s just like a new side of me is awakened that doesn’t come awake like that here. Maybe it’s just that I’m too busy here, or that I let myself become too stressed here, or maybe it’s not a bad thing like that at all, maybe it’s simply part of God’s design. Whatever it is, I started longing for it and started to ask God why He hasn’t provided a way for me to travel for the past year or so. “That’s where I find true joy God!” I found myself crying out. I decided to just blast some Hillsong station Pandora and get in the shower. That’s the best way I get emotion out when I feel like I’m going to burst. Upon stepping out of the shower I started getting ready for bed, and in the middle of brushing my teeth a song came on to pandora that spoke of God being all we need and I just dropped. Hair in my towel, toothbrush still in my mouth, I just dropped to my knees. It was almost involuntarily. I’m not trying to be dramatic at all, this truly just happened.
I felt like God just asked me a question through that song. “Brooke, you crazy child of mine. Do you love me more than you love to serve me?” “Do you find joy more in me than in those experiences you have serving me?” Bam. I feel like a question like that would bring anything to their knees. As He’s been teaching me about Joy, I’ve come to realize He’s teaching me more about who He is at His core. Not through His ministry, although His ministry is truly what I live for in every sense, not through His people, not through His miracles, manifestations or corrections. He is revealing to me not just joy, but the SOURCE of joy. Himself. This is such a gift!
A similar thing happened to me last week while I was washing dishes. God has spoken to me in MAJOR ways the past week or so through brushing my teeth and washing dishes…and I think I need to be in Africa to experience Him. Tsk tsk Brooke. The dish washing experience I actually wrote about in a blog post and then it got accidentally deleted which I was super frustrated about, but I do think it happened for a reason. I won’t go into as much detail about that last experience because I do feel like He revealed some of that for just me to know and process, but some of it connects with tonights experience. As I was washing dishes I was once again listening to music. This time I wasn’t feeling as holy so I was listening to Coldplay :) As I was going through the motions I heard a lyric that Chris Martin so beautifully belted out that said, “…something something something….in between trapezes….something something something…” I have been struggling to put to words the season I’m in. It’s far from bad, but it’s far from where I had pictured myself to be at 27 almost 28. I feel like I live in a constant state of excitement for what’s going on around me and fear of what may or may not be coming in the near future. I wouldn’t say that I’m always aware of this fear, but it seems to hang around regardless. When I heard this lyric it was like another “BAM” moment. I didn’t drop to my knees this time. This time I ran straight for my computer so I could write about it and try to save it before I forgot the moment. Maybe that was my mistake. Tonight I spent about an hour worshipping on my bathroom floor after this happened. Run to the source Brooke…not the computer…..constant reminders, sheesh. I’m a work in progress.
But isn’t that such a great description of a feeling? Being in between trapezes…Having let go of something from your past that you felt God was leading you away from, and yet not having been able to grasp firmly to anything ahead of you quite yet. Sometimes I feel like that feeling you get sucks. That fear of the unknown, the rush in your stomach, the grasping of your hands in front of you and not feeling anything solid. And yet we know that God is never shocked by anything, and that His timing is perfect. And we know that in James 1:2 he says to “count it great JOY when facing trials and tribulations of many kinds…” Oh there’s so much more to this that I want to write about, but seeing as how this blog post is already long past the length that is appropriately readable I’ll wrap it up as succinctly as I can.
What if I’m supposed to experience Joy in this season of “falling”? Even asking that question out loud sounds silly, because the doubt that leads me to ask that question becomes obvious truth when asking it. Funny how that works huh? What if I could close my eyes and experience every rush of wind as it blows my hair back? It’s like that feeling in high school when you would jump off of the highest cliff into the river below. Each time when attempting a higher cliff it became scarier and scarier, but once you got in the air it was the MOST incredible feeling. That season in life is actually a gift! That rush that comes from the beautiful unknown, because I KNOW God is the master of that “fall”; that “leap”. As I fly through the air, I will keep my arms outstretched ready to grasp tightly when God allows me to. I will feel that rush of His air that He created blowing my hair back. I will let the cheers of the crowd below echo in my ears as encouragement, (I’m picturing myself in a circus tent btw…just in case you needed help following my brain which isn’t abnormal for people I’ve heard), and even though I can’t see ahead because of the blinding spotlight, I like to picture that the one thing I can see if the glitter coming off of my all pink sequined outfit that God let me wear for this trick. Let the jump last as long as God calls it to. After all, the next time I grasp on, it’s just so I can swing and let go to fly to another one right? I might as well get used to it…
It’s time I get off the floor of my bathroom now and go do the dishes. Shine on friends! :) And listen to Him carefully, He may be wanting to talk to you in the simplest of moments.